Langsam mit der Pocke. Zur Vorbereitung auf die Handball-WM: Ein neues Buch über den Alltag in der Kreisliga

In zwei Wochen beginnt die Handball-WM in Deutschland. Zur Vorbereitung empfiehlt sich das Buch »Handballhimmel Kreisliga«. Es handelt sich um die konsequente Fortsetzung des im Selbstverlag erschienenen Erfolgs »Handballhölle Bezirksliga« (2017). Do-it-yourself-Autor Daniel Duhr spielt, schaut, schreibt und lebt den Handball, »besonders gerne den niederklassigen«.

Die Ausgangsfrage des neuen Bandes lautet: Ist Kreisliga-Handball Sport? Antwort: Kaum. Aber der Wert des Treibens für die Gemeinschaft ist nicht zu unterschätzen: Die Jungs sind von der Straße weg, spielen miteinander und stehen unter Aufsicht. So ventilieren sie Frust und Stress ohne größere soziale Folgeschäden.

»Kreisliga-Handball ist ein schützenswertes Kulturgut, ein Sammelbecken für all diejenigen, die einfach nicht höher kommen.« Oder sich Bezirksligastrapazen nicht antun wollen. Ihr Weg ist der »Abstieg in den Olymp«, so der Untertitel des Bändchen.

Spielerisch geht es nicht besser zu als in der Fußball-Kreisliga: Fehlwürfe hier, Fehltritte dort. Von Spielzügen bis zu Rückwärtsbewegungen ist alles »äußerst talentlimitiert.« Das Training werde völlig überschätzt, meinen die, die jede zweite Einheit schwänzen. »Die Hemmschwelle für eine Trainingsabsage sinkt äquivalent zur Ligazugehörigkeit«, hält Duhr fest. Die den Trainer nicht alleine lassen wollen, kommen spät, wärmen sich kaum auf, zimmern sofort aufs Tor. Sie halten sich kaum auf mit den technischen Tücken von Sprungwurf, Standwurf, Fallwurf, Hüftwurf, Rückhandwurf, Dreher, Heber und »Kempa-Trick« – Duhr erklärt die Herausforderungen.

In einer durchschnittlichen Übungseinheit scheitern selbst Grundelemente wie das Eins-gegen-eins, weil das Anspiel nicht klappt. Bloße Theorie bleiben komplexere Trainingsinhalte wie Positionswerfen, Tempogegenstöße oder Überzahlspiel. Beim Abschlussspielchen kann man auf taktische oder spielerische Finessen lange warten. Auslaufen fällt aus, geduscht wird fallweise, gemeinsames Ziel ist die Theke. Das Übergewicht der Freizeithandballer ist chronisch.

Ligaspiele werden vorzugsweise am Sonntag, 9.30 Uhr, angepfiffen – unmenschlich, gerade, wenn der Schädel vom Vorabend noch brummt. Spielverläufe sind in der Kreisliga so gut wie nicht prognostizierbar. Ist eine Ein-Tor-Führung erzielt, heißt die Devise: »hinten Beton anrühren. 6:0-Deckung« – jeden etwaigen Spielfluss unterbinden. Problem: Der konditionelle Einbruch kommt immer, da hilft auch keine spektakuläre Selbsteinwechslung des Spielertrainers. Oft enden die Partien im Scharmützel, »FSK-18-Pöbeleien« eingeschlossen. Nachtragend ist aber keiner: Der Schlusspfiff bringt Versöhnung schon am Mittelkreis, viele freuen sich auf Bierchen und Kippen.

Mangelnde Fitness und Körperbeherrschung führen zu schmerzhaften Zusammenstößen. Handball gilt als härtester Sport der Welt, und auch wer in der Unterklasse das Parkett zu spüren bekommt, macht »kein Theater nach einem Foulspiel und neymart sich nicht über den Boden«, weiß Duhr.

Einen »Medizinmann« mit »Dr.-Google-Pro-Kenntnissen« hat fast jedes Team. Der Erste-Hilfe-Kasten enthält Tape, Eisspray, Schwamm und nochmal Tape. Über ein verletzungsbedingtes Ausscheiden tröstet der Griff in den Zweite-Hilfe-Koffer. Die Kühlpads dort kühlen den Proviant, also das Bier. Ein eiskaltes Pils lindert den Schmerz und wirkt isotonisch, wenn nicht aphrodisierend.

Grob unterscheidet Duhr zwei Typen von Spielerfrauen in der Spielklasse. Typ A ist immer da, Typ B nie. Distinktionsgewinne im Freundes- oder Familienkreis sind dabei für beide nicht zu erzielen. Typ A sitzt direkt hinter der Mannschaftsbank und zählt nach der Partie im Vereinsheim laut die Patzer vor. Typ B »hat erkannt, dass sie sonntags vielleicht doch besser in die Kirche als zur sportlichen Beichte ihres Mannes geht.«

Tragischste Figur des Treibens ist zweifellos der Trainer, das schwächste Kettenglied des Teams. Übermannt von der Einsicht in die Vergeblichkeit seiner Bemühungen um Spielkultur, ruft er: »Wenn ihr vorne wieder nicht wisst, wohin mit dem Ball – dann tut mir einen Gefallen: Schmeißt ihn auf die Tribüne!« Oder: »Und bitte, Männer: Wenn wir mal den Ball haben, dann spielt langsam nach vorne. Denkt dran: Jede Sekunde, die wir die Pocke haben, kann der Gegner kein Tor machen.«

Daniel Duhr sollte sich nach Bezirks- und Kreisliga unbedingt noch der Kreisklasse annehmen, um seine Milieustudie als Trilogie abzurunden.

Daniel Duhr: Handballhimmel Kreisliga – Abstieg in den Olymp. Selbstverlag, Essen 2018, 132 S., 11,95 Euro

Quelle: https://www.jungewelt.de/artikel/346128.handball-langsam-mit-der-pocke.html

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